Events of the last six to eight months (such as killing of Dalits, rationalists, lynching) are unconscionable. But the furor being caused by Aamir Khan’s remarks on increasing intolerance is disgusting.
And while my world view is coloured by my own experiences of living the past 29 years with a person with autism, I begin to wonder – are we really losing cherished values such as respect for diversity, secularism, pluralism?
Aarti looks different and has been stared at all her life. When she was young and while we still lived in India, total strangers in the train or the bus or elsewhere would ask questions or offer help: “Yeh aisi kyun hai?” “I know a Baba you could take her to.” “Aap pregnancy mein bimaar thi?” “Aare bichari…” And so on and so forth. People wanting to know more or find solutions, perhaps. Of course I grabbed every opportunity I could to educate!
In the past, she has also been excluded because of her disability. We went to the US in 1998. Trying to get the right programming for her was an uphill task. When we lived in the Big Easy, she was already keenly interested in music and I tried to enroll her in a local children’s choir. All I asked for was an audition. They refused. I gave up trying figuring that getting adversarial might not be in her best interest anyway.
In the intervening years we came back to India as often as we could and I started noticing change. While the stares hadn’t lessened, the questions and comments had stopped. When we were here a few years ago and used our reciprocal membership at Gold’s Gym, the trainers, young and enthusiastic, were all attention! Maybe it was Aarti’s drawl or her infectious “Hi guys!” They took complete charge of her routine. And I was left to do my own thing. A very pleasant surprise.
On subsequent visits, we have had other similar experiences.
In 2013, Aarti and I came back to live in India. We made a recent trip to the US to spend time with Divya, her younger sister and a conversation, on our walk back from the grocery store, went somewhat like this:
Me: “So Aarti, here we are back in the US. How do you feel about being here?
Aarti: “Happy.”
Me: “Does it change anything? Where do you think you want to live?”
Aarti (without hesitation): “Bombay.”
`Why’ questions are difficult, and so I asked: “What is it about Bombay that makes you want to live there?”
Aarti (again, without hesitation): “I like the people and my music.”
End of conversation.
Aarti works, she goes to a regular Indian classical music class and a regular Yoga class. When she does not show up, there are immediate messages. “Is Aarti okay? We missed her today.” It is genuine concern and Aarti knows it.
So yes, increasing intolerance and fundamentalism is troubling. But when folks in our immediate community show compassion and sensitivity to one another, there is a sense of hope and a sense of belonging. And the heart sings.
Thanks for reading! Sushama